One of These Things
by poodlehair92
Summary: Just a short fic where Hermione and Severus get stuck in a closet at Grimmauld Place.


Yeppers…… I don't own this story and I don't think that 'yeppers' is a word. Actually spell check tells me it isn't but whatever. J.K. owns all of the potter world, I'm just borrowing it for a little while.

Hermione granger walked into the old Order of the Phoenix headquarters and the first thing that popped into her head was a song from a muggle little-kids show.

_'One of these things is not like the other. One of these things doesn't belong'_

Sure it was immature, but that didn't mean the song didn't apply. The first thing she saw was three order members sitting on the couch. That wasn't the weird part, even though the war was over people still hung out there all of the time. It was the unofficial 'get away' spot when old order members needed to escape from stress filled lives. That was actually the reason she was here. The strange thing about the people sitting there was who the group consisted of. There, neatly lined up in a row, were Fleur Delacour and Molly Weasley, chatting about plans for her and Bill's next baby; yet somehow, squished between them, was Severus Snape.

He looked up and unabashedly gave her the _'Get me out of here. I don't care how, just do it!' _look. It would have almost been humorous, actually it was; which was why Hermione dissolved into giggles. Molly and Fleur had been waiting for Severus's opinion on something, but noticed Hermione was there when they heard laughter.

"Oh gosh, I'm sorry Mrs. Weasley…(s) I wasn't trying to interrupt, but I do actually need to speak with Severus for a minute. Don't worry; you guys can have him back when I am done."

As they walked out of the room Severus muttered to her,

"They most certainly may not have me back when we are done."

"Well I didn't want to seem too rude."

"Did you actually have anything you wanted to talk to me about or were you just being abnormally nice to me today?"

"Actually I had a question about something I read in _Potions Weekly _a couple days ago, but I didn't realize you would be here. And do I even get a thank you for saving you from definite hell; otherwise known a baby shower planning. They managed to corner me the other day; I was stuck for two hours before Remus saved me."

"Do you actually think I would thank you?"

"No, but it was worth a try though. So what is your opinion of adding powdered aconite to a sleeping draught to reduce the affects of the ashwinder eggs?"

"I think it is a load of crap, it would cause more problems than it would fix. Shhh, what was that."

It turns out that Fleur and Molly were coming into the kitchen where they were. Without thinking too much about what he was doing, Severus pulled Hermione into a closet to hide them from view. But a couple seconds later they heard the clicking of the door they were behind and Molly's muffled voice.

"I wish people would stop leaving that open, I installed a locking charm on it the other day so it can only be opened by a wand from the outside since Ginny, Angela, and Katie have children running around. I thought I reminded everyone to keep it closed, I would hate for someone get locked in there."

"Sons of bitches" growled Hermione.

"Miss Granger!" said Severus in surprise.

"Oh don't you '_Miss Granger'_ me. I am 22 and no longer your student. Besides you should be swearing too, we are stuck in here until someone opens the closet."

"Yes but I can keep a calm head when faced with something like this, unlike you, obviously…"

"You insufferable man; I know that you know that I am claustrophobic. How would you like spending time in a closet if you were?"

"Well my little know-it-all it would surprise you to know that I am also claustrophobic, I am just better at hiding it than you are."

"'_Your',_ I am hardly yours… And sorry, I didn't know."

"Well most people don't."

After about an hour Hermione finally spoke again.

"Wait, can't we just apparate out of here?"

"I already tried Hermione."

"What happened?"

"Why don't you try it and find out."

An intense look of concentration came over her face, but nothing happened.

"Shit!"

"Miss Granger, I never knew you swore so much. It really doesn't help your already un-lady-like attitude… and features."

"Why you bastard, you should talk. Mr. 'Oh-god-my-life-was-so-hard-and-no-one- loves-me-so-I-guess-I'll-just-swoop-around-Hogwarts-like-a-giant bat-scaring-the-shit-out-of-first-years' A little pathetic aren't we?"

"Oh don't even talk, you're probably just crabby cause you haven't gotten laid… ever!"

"How would you know? I'm surprised you even know what that word means after all of these years. You have a crappy teaching job at Hogwarts and the only women you are surrounded with are Poppy, Minerva, Rolanda, and Vivian Vector. Unless you play for the other team? Oooh I bet you do."

By this point they were screaming, their noses less than an inch apart.

"I AM NOT GAY!"

"PROVE IT!" she shouted.

The next thing Hermione knew his lips were crushed onto hers. And then everything stopped. Her hands were running through his hair and his were on her waist pulling her even closer. Then all of a sudden he stopped.

Severus looked down at the woman he was just kissing. Her lips were parted and she looked dazed. She was now clinging onto the front of his shirt like she couldn't hold herself up.

"See, I told you I wasn't gay. And it was worth it to see the dazed look on your face, as if I would ever be interested in you." Well now he was bluffing, but she didn't know it.

"Right, Severus. You aren't interested in me, I doubt it. You'd kiss me again if you could." And with that she pulled their mouths together again.

After a minute Severus pulled away and said,"Damn right I would." With that out of the way they continued for quite some time. About two hours later Mad-Eye-Moody had the unfortunate luck of stumbling on them in the broom closet.

"Sorry Alastor." Panted Severus," Hermione?" he asked looking at the woman in his arms," Would you care to take this upstairs?"

At her nod he grabbed her hand and made towards the stairs. Alastor was left looking like someone had just taken his magic eye.


End file.
